I was very distressed to learn yesterday that the recently discovered fresco from Pompeii depicting what some thought to be the first pizza is in fact a pomegranate focaccia (evidently Pompeii was the Roman equivalent of Brooklyn, filled with idiot foodie hipsters possessed of neither taste nor sense).
Why is this such a disappointment? Pizza means tomatoes, and tomatoes are a New World fruit. So if this fresco did indeed depict a pizza, it would be proof — irrefutable proof — that the Phoenicians had made it to Michigan or Tennessee, or that the Jews had made it to Arizona. Sadly, such proof is not forthcoming from this discovery, and instead we must await an Egyptian tomb painting depicting the first avocado toast.